Syncing brains

There are some people that I meet who are like magnets because of the way they communicate. They aren’t always the best looking, the best leaders, or in positions of authority. But they seem to have an aura that draws people to them.

I recently started reading the book Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg and in the first chapter alone I am blown away by the findings that are characteristic of super-communicators.

They did a test where observers were shown two movie scenes without any volume, so they had to interpret the film without audible help. They scanned the observers brains and it was seen that their brains were all firing differently.

Then, the observers came together into small groups to discuss what they thought was going on in the scene and where they thought the film was going.

After the discussion, they watched the scenes as individuals again as their brains were scanned. Suddenly, all the scans were similar to one another. And in groups where there was a super-communicator, the scans were nearly identical.

There was something about talking with one another about a shared event that bonded the individuals and synced their brains.

This has huge implications.

Take, for example, church attendance.

When someone comes to a midweek Bible study, the table is open for conversation as the group reads through and experiences shared events with one another. The event could be reading Scripture, or laughing about a recent church function, or praying with one another about the loss of a friend. These events connect the lives of otherwise unconnected people. Then, in talking about these events, our minds literally begin to sequence thoughts like the others in the group.

This is more true when you have someone who is a great communicator leading the group.

What is the key to great communication? Connection.

The people who seem to have the greatest impact on group thinking are those who are able to connect with the hearts of the people in the group.

Some people are naturally good at this, but anyone can become a super-communicator. It is a gift, but also a skill that can be developed.

To me, I think the best way to be a great communicator who forms great connections has nothing to do with what you say, but the quality of questions you ask.

Great communicators are those who help others communicate well by asking good questions that help the conversation flow.

Duhigg says that super-communicators ask 10 to 20 times more questions than their peers.

In a sense, they control the conversation not through dominating the air space with personal opinions and information, but by asking the right questions.

The only way to get good at this is by having conversations. Try to become a great listener, ask an extra question, and don’t be rushed in the conversation.

Another key to communicating, and I will leave you with this, is to be an interesting person. You have to have something to talk about, to add to the conversation. It is important to have a variety of lived experiences.

So get out and live! Travel. See the world. Fall in love. Talk to interesting people. In doing these things, you will connect to a wider range of others’ lived experiences.

Everyone loves a story and a storyteller. So go live out some stories to tell.

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It would help me a lot. Thanks for reading! 

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