Kids are like oxen

Proverbs 14:4 says “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.”

If your end goal is to have a clean manger, a clean barn, it comes at the cost of not bringing in an abundance of crops. If you want to have a productive farm, your barn is going to have to be a little messy.

I often think about life with kids in this manner. I would rewrite the Proverb for having children like this:

“Where there are no kids, the house is clean, but an abundance of joy comes from the laughter of a child.”

Josiah is 3 years old as of Saturday. It is a fact that both brings joy to my heart and a tinge of hurt.

If a person spends most of their time with their parents by the age of 18, then I have already spent 1/6th of that time with Josiah. At this point, neuroscientists would argue the core of his being has been largely set. Many neuroscientists point to the first three years of life as the most important in all of child development. Here it is, almost fulfilled. Has his mother and I done enough? Have we set him up well?

It’s hard to not look back and wish you had done things differently. I have spent so much time working. But it isn’t the work I regret, it’s the worrying about work that I regret. It’s the sitting at home on my phone because I’m thinking about work and not paying attention to the kids kind of regret. It’s the staring into space thinking over too many things while Josiah begs me to pay attention kind of regret.

It is those moments with the boys or with Olga that are stolen by a divided mind that cause me the most distress.

When those kids wave to me in a crowd, when they crawl into my lap, when they give me a hug, when they tell me a story, my worries and fears begin to melt away.

I tell my wife all the time that one day we will have a clean home, and on that day we will be sad. It will mean our kids are gone. The laughter, the constant playfulness, the endless reading of books, the painting, the balloons, they are all gone.

We will have a clean home, and we will miss the joy of our kids.

One day I will have time to work on the things that worry me. I will have time to pursue my passions. I will be able to read more, study more, teach and preach more. I will be able to work with less distractions.

When that day comes, I’ll miss these days.

Enjoy the moments.

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