I won my first ultra marathon

I am reaching back in my memory to find a time where I have won anything. The last thing that comes to mind is when I won a raffle for a free Bundt cake after making friends with the cashier. I’ve always wondered if he rigged the drawing for me…

But I certainly have not finished first in anything like this.

As I sat on the ground after my last lap of the race, knowing that I had done enough to win, I only felt the smallest bit of satisfaction. Even now, it is hard to acknowledge that this was much of an accomplishment at all. In just a few months I will be running a race over three times the length of this race. Will I be ready? If I struggled with this race, how will I be able to accomplish the next one?

Unhealthy goal setting habits

It is really difficult for me to celebrate my own accomplishments. I used to believe that this is just part of being humble. But this is hardly the truth. Winning this race has reinforced the idea that I have adopted some unhelpful goal setting strategies. These unhealthy habits could include:

• Goal shifting — This is the hamster wheel for dissatisfaction. I ran 30 miles, but I should have been able to run more. I won this race, but my real goal is winning the next race. I ran my target pace, but it would have been nice to run a little faster. Instead of actually celebrating the goal being met, the mind immediately shifts to the next goal.

• Imposter syndrome — I was aware that I was winning the race, and yet as it came to a close I already began to come up with excuses as to why I did not really deserve to win. It was a small race, so there were not many competitors. The weather may have kept people away. It was Easter, so maybe better runners had things going on. Instead of reinforcing that my hard work can pay off, I immediately tried to convince myself that I was not good enough to run these races.

• Perfectionism — I may have done good to start the race, but my last lap was a struggle. My thoughts have been centered around that last lap, rather than the first eight where I actually met my goal.

Fostering celebration

If I really want to accomplish bigger goals, it would be so much more helpful to develop an inner practice of celebration rather than an internal culture that demeans accomplishments.

In fact, developing an inner life of celebration would help not only the self, but the community that surrounds. Everyone could use the joy and encouragement that comes from a life of celebration.

• Spaces of recognition — What would have been helpful is to have a certain reward mapped out for finishing this race. I put in so much effort to get ready for the race, and yet I spent no time considering how to recognize the finality of the race. Graduation is a good example of finishing something with recognition. The graduate puts on a cap and gown, is recognized by the school and by peers, and there is usually something like a celebratory meal. The space to reflect and recognize, even if small, develops a sense of worth surrounding effort-filled events.

• From outcome to effort — We all want results. In fact, I would argue that it is outcome that matters most. That said, it will be hard to consistently get great outcomes unless you also reward effort. Great outcomes only come by the way of great effort. If you choose to demean great effort, it will be harder to exert that energy in the future.

• Clarity — Running and finishing a 100 mile race is my ultimate goal. But training for a race of that length is hard. Sometimes I am clear on what my training looks like, and other times I am just doing things and hoping it works. Having clarity on how each part of the training builds towards the ultimate aim allows me to keep from goal shifting.

I hope this helps with your own goal setting. If you struggle with mental health and need someone to talk to or listen to you, reach out! I’d love to be a listening ear and to be a cheerleader for you to reach your own goals.

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It would help me a lot. Thanks for reading! 

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