Most people give up their New Years goals by “Quitter’s Day”, the second Friday in January (this is the third Friday, but I figured I’d give y’all the benefit of the doubt and you made it another week).

I will admit that many of the goals I have made in past years ended up in the graveyard of good intentions. Some were unrealistic to begin with. Others were worthy efforts that fizzled out. But why do these changes, which many should be held to, end up failing just weeks after choosing to change?

The starting point is all wrong.

Many people get some time off of work for Christmas and New Year’s and have extra time to rest and reflect. It is cold, so we stay inside. It is darker longer, so we have these windows where we are discouraged from working extra. This is something that we generally do not get a lot of through the rest of the year. Extra time mixed with the culturally accepted practice of setting resolutions makes this time of year an especially motivating time to make a positive change in our lives. Add on top we get extra time with family and friends and there is an added incentive to be a better person for ourselves and the people we love.

But motivation is known to be a poor fuel source to making a change. Motivation is a feeling. As soon as your feelings change, whether it be days, weeks, or months, you will lose the resolution.

That is why I prefer to ask what habits can I start this year. A habit is something I can consistently do to get me to the intended goal. For example, I may want to read the Bible in a year. Rather than reading until my motivation wears out (usually Leviticus), I should commit to reading 10 minutes of Bible every day.

If you want to enact change, it is going to happen because you have set a system, worked to create habits, not dependent on willpower.

We were dishonest with our goal to begin with.

Many times we choose goals that we hope will make us feel better. But what we find is that the new pursuit is not what is actually causing the discomfort to begin with.

Much of our life is spent treating symptoms rather than treating the root of the issue.

Many people will seek promotions or success this year in order to experience some form of happiness or validation, only to realize a promotion gets them no closer to the validation they seek. Many will attempt to lose weight, but biceps and a slimmer waist won’t get to the root of your self-criticism. The relentless pursuit of self-improvement is often a cover for a deeper uncomfortability with a person’s place in life.

Goals are good, but we need our goals to reach into the core of our issues, rather than always staying at the surface.

All or nothing

I think one of the biggest reasons people fail is because they believe they have to be perfect. If I am trying to eat less sugar but I have a day celebrating something and eat cake and ice cream, does that mean I should just go hog wild the rest of the year? And if I commit to reading the Bible everyday but I get really busy and miss a day, should I wait to read the Bible until next year?

No. Wash yourself of the missed day and start again the next. Better to miss just one day than the rest of the year.

Part of learning how to complete goals is learning how to fail at achieving them. Learning when to give up, and when to retry. Most of the time, our goals are just within reach if only we push through misstep and failure.

Keep trying

My encouragement to you is to try again. We fail for so many reasons. There just need be one more reason to keep going than giving up. Find that one reason and hold tight to it.

Today is just as good a day as January 1 to make a positive change in your life for your own sake, for your family, and your community. Turn “Quitter’s Day” into a new beginning.

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