Cell Phones Vs. Community

I was scrolling through X, formerly known as Twitter, and I came across a great headline that drew my attention:

“As parents, we are addicted. Our phones have a greater claim on our attention than our children.” -Dr. Justin Coulson

Those type of things make me feel guilty, because I always read them while doing the thing it is telling me to not be doing. When I saw the headline I realized I had been scrolling my phone while at a river “playing” with my two boys and wife while we were on vacation.

There is a time to read or watch or scroll on the phone; while intimate community is surrounding you isn’t one of them. I bookmarked the post for later and put the phone down.

Who is influencing who?

What relationship holds the most influence over the next generation?

Is it parents? Siblings? Friend groups?

If the answer is who they spend the most time with, then the answer on average is whoever they are with on social media.

Dads spend just over an hour a day with their kid. Moms spend over an hour and a half.¹

Kids spend almost five hours on social media.²

It’s just a numbers game, and that time adds up. Maybe it doesn’t seem insurmountable in a day, but over a year the gap in time is mind-boggling.

Social media doesn’t have to be their friend group. Who kids ultimately spend time with is decided by an algorithm: an advanced computer system is monitoring every click, swipe, time spent on post, and every other detail to curate a community of people and ideas from all over directly into the palm of your kids’ hand.

In some ways this seems good. Kids are experiencing other ideas, new cultures, and their imagination can run wild.

But the truth is much darker.

Kids are finding themselves to be more anxious, upset, depressed, and even suicidal and they are relating it to their time spent on their phones. ³

Anti-Community

This isn’t just about the impact it has on the next generation. This is greatly impacting all generations.

When you go to a park, many parents sit on a bench on their phone while their kids play without the parent’s involvement. And instead of parents talking to parents, they sit awkwardly near each other while being extremely anti-social on their screens.

When you go out to dinner, almost every table is filled with families on their phone.

When you go to church, you see people scrolling.

When people are walking or running they have to have earbuds in.

Heaven forbid you go to Kroger without your phone.

It is not just that phones have taken our attention from our children, but our phones have taken our eyes off of community in general.

What was promised as a tool for communion has been revealed to be community’s greatest deception. And people are noticing. We live among the loneliest generation ever.

What to do about it

There are a couple things I think all people can do to improve their relationship with technology.

1. Set a rule for when the phone can and can’t be used.

2. Set up timers that will allow you to be on certain apps for just a few minutes a day.

3. Purchase a timed lock box for family time, work time, or community time.

4. Sometimes the best option is to simply delete apps.

5. Try to encourage rules of engagement when in communal settings so that the time can be best spent presently with the people around you.

Aside from trying to limit overusing technology, we also have to actively create community spaces. It is easier, sometimes, to create than to take away. By making great community spaces and experiences, the desires for a phone sinks into the background.

Are there any rules that you use to limit overusing technology? What are they? Feel free to share them by emailing me back!

1  https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

2  https://news.gallup.com/poll/512576/teens-spend-average-hours-social-media-per-day.aspx

3  https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/research