13 lessons from “The 2 Hour Cocktail Party” that will make you the best host ever! (maybe)

I have a deep desire to be a connector. I love hosting people and providing spaces to have a good time and get away while connecting people I think can benefit one another.

In an age where we have more connections and yet feel less connected than ever, there is a growing premium on in-person communal moments.

Following COVID lockdowns and a continual move into digital spaces, in-person gatherings are becoming all the more critical. Taylor Swift smashed concert records. Barbenheimer had droves flocking into movie theaters. Immersive art exhibits light the Immersive Vincent Van Gogh, which has sold millions of tickets and is a new technological take on classic art. 

People want to meet in person, but the experience needs to be excellent.

Nick Gray in The 2-Hour Cocktail Party gives experiential advice on how to throw a great house gathering with old friends and new connections that both removes your nerves as the host and optimizes your guests' experience.

Here are 15 takeaways from the book that I look forward to implementing in my gatherings:

1. Hosting a gathering benefits you as the host and the guests.

   Relationships are powerful. They are good for your confidence, self-worth, and opportunities that arrive out of the network. Your network can lead you to meet and develop other significant relationships, create avenues for creating new businesses, or lead you to a new career altogether. Your network is power, and how great is it to share that power with people you care about? 

2. "But my house is a mess/is too small/etc…"

   The people you invite are coming because they like you or are interested in the network you have gathered in your place. Most people appreciate authenticity and could care less about your space. Focus on being a host of great characters, keep the space simple, and encourage the community to work hard to make the time outstanding. When people get together, something magical happens. And if someone is rude about your space, you don't have to invite them back!

3. The best days to host people are not what you think.

   It may be assumed that the best days to gather are when work is not crowding in on time and when people have the most free time. But the reality is that everything else is also fighting for that time. Gray reveals the days someone is most likely to attend one of your gatherings are Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday night. 

4. How do I grow my guest list?

   The best way to grow your guest list is just to invite them. Don't overcomplicate it. Establish a day and time for the party, and if you want to talk with someone, ask them. The worst outcome is that they say no. If it is someone new, it is best to have a few confirmed "Yes's" first so that the new person might be incentivized by being able to meet multiple new people. 

5. Make every person wear name tags at every party, every time.

   This was the most jarring to me. But it makes sense. Think about it. Say you are invited to a gathering where fifteen people will be there who all know each other, and you don't know anyone. Name tags are a way to level the playing field. It is as if no one knows anyone, making it less awkward for a newcomer. 

6. Write guest bios.

   I love this idea. At the gathering, there will be moments of structured and unstructured time, a time to come together and talk, and times to break out and network without oversight. The structured time is a good time for you as the host to brag about some of your guests' work and current accomplishments. It builds your reputation as an observant and caring host but also highlights that the network is producing good things and that gathering with these people is good. It will also help to have further conversations with more reserved people at the party. The bio isn't crazy; it's just a couple of sentences and informal. But it can be a catalyst for networking. 

7. Get the guest involved in the party production.

   It is not rude to ask people to bring things to the party or give them a task. It has the potential to drive engagement and agency within the gathering. Ask someone to write names for new guests, another to take pictures, another to make sure the food makes it from out the fridge onto the counter, another to control the music. It allows guests to have authority and to express their character. 

8. A party harmonica?

   Name tags are one thing, but a party harmonica? The sheer discomfort that washes over me just imagining using a harmonica makes me cringe. Gray includes testimonials of people who were uncomfortable, just like me, but who have used this method to get people's attention, redirect the party from unstructured to structured, and attest to its effectiveness. The idea is that people will speak in small groups and have a moment in which people listen and form a whole group conversation. There has to be a way to get their attention. You can yell or clap your hands, but it is clumsy and loud. This is a much more fun and pleasant way to signify a change of direction. I have yet to try it, but I will trust the experiences of others and have to try this. 

9. The icebreaker structure. 

   The icebreaker is straightforward. Have people go around the circle and say their names, what they do for work, or what they are working on, followed by an icebreaker question. Make the question something interesting, relatable, and something that can be answered quickly. Don't try to go deep. The hope is that this can be a lighthearted answer that can spark conversation with people in the network who don't know each other well. 

10. The party structure.

    I like the two-hour time frame. It allows people to arrive late or leave early while leaving enough time for a good conversation. Gray holds space for three icebreakers. I don't know that I agree with him on this, as I feel sometimes the party should be left to more spontaneity and without structure. I'd instead hold two icebreakers or one icebreaker and then a collective party game. Games reveal character, often make people laugh, and create unlikely partnerships that, in turn, create unlikely conversations. He also holds space for a group photo, which I think is excellent. 

11. Advanced Icebreakers.

    Gray provides a couple of great questions to use that have the potential to strike meaningful and current conversations. You can click here if you want a list of my favorite icebreakers.

12. Take photos, especially ones taken with the whole group.

    Make sure to get a group photo. Don't take it too early or too late, as people come late and leave early. It is nice to be able to share the photo so that it serves as a testimonial for your party-throwing ability but also serves as a drawing-together moment, solidifying the network. Get it printed out and have a community network collage so future parties can see who has been an attendee before. 

13. Write "Thank You's".

    Do not take for granted those willing to take time to come to your gathering. They did not have to come, and gatherings can be stretching for some people. Let them know the depths of your appreciation.